Words Only Wenesday

What we grieve for is not the loss of a grand vision, but rather the loss of common things, events, and gestures.

Ordinariness is the most precious thing we struggle for.

—Irena Kelpfisz —

Trying

My eyes are burning
My chest is aching
I cannot breath

I am angry and pissed off
I am disappointed and let down
I am hurt and broken...
but I still love!

How did I get here?
How could I have let this happen?

Everyone says be strong...I used to be.
I am trying. I am failing over and over with every tear.

I just want the pain to stop!

All I ever wanted was to be loved!

Why am I the unloveable one?????

A new start

Its the first morning of a new week. I'm feeling better and I have decided that I want to try Jasmin's new church. My boss Joe also has been attending this church for a long time and from his description it might be a great fit for Shaun and I. Its something I have been missing from life for quite a while now and in quest to build a better stronger me I think its a good place to start.

Hoping for a great week :)

My Amazing Son!!

We had parent teacher conferences last night I have to brag a little. These were student lead conferences where the teacher sits down with us and he presents his work, his strength & weaknesses, and goals to us. Last year when we did this he was very shy and nervous but this time he stood proud.

Shaun is making all A’s and B’s even with being out of school for an entire week due to H1N1. He made up all the work he missed in a fraction of the time given. His math and reading scores continue to be way above the school & national average. To my surprise one of the A’s is an A+ in Spanish. He was extremely nervous about taking this class and it’s now one of his favorites. He has decided that he LOVES science and would like to go into a career combining science and animals… big surprise there huh. J

It’s just the beginning of the school year but he has already been noted as responsible, helpful and been seen doing random acts of kindness. His teacher said “He is so intelligent and he is confident but laid back. He is a joy to have in my class”. He even designed his Crew (aka homeroom) class banner. They are the “Brewer Funky Monkeys!”. So fitting for him, he has been the monkey boy his whole life. LOL

We all know Shaun is smart, talented, and kind but middle school can be awkward and scary. So far he is conquering it like the great little man that he is. I am so proud of him and had to brag a little.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY!!

Tracy Underwood-Wood..(i giggle everytime I type this).. is one of my bestfriends and my "Friend Twin". There are so many things that we have in common but don't appear to be anything alike in a physical sense. We are 4 days a part and earlier this week on my birthday Tracy posted a list of 28 things she knew about me representing me [us] turning 28. So I have decided I LOVED it so much that I am going to do the same about her.

1. She is loyal

2. One of the FUNNIEST people I have ever met

3. Extremely Beautiful, inside and out!

4. She has an amazing gift with words

5. Creative, talented and forgiving

6. Loves STARBUCKS :)

7. Is a GREAT mother & wife

8. Always there when I need her

9. I can sit in silence and be completely content around her... although I don't think that happens very often as we are always laughing our butts off

10. Her feelings run deep and genuine

11. She doesn't like sports but loves to support her husbands teams

12. Has the best collection of jammie's

13. Types with just one finger.. but at the speed of light

14. Perfect blend of country & city

15. Loves music of all kinds

16. Is OCD about having things clean before bed

17. Goes to bed WAY to early

18. Loves Fashion, accessories and handbags

19. A great P.I.

20. Gives Great Advice

21. A Libra.. JUST LIKE ME :D

22. Loves to receive cards especially when a personal note is written

23. LOVE SURPRISES... just kidding they make her a nervous wreck but put a smile on face when she receives them

24. Is great at journaling her life and capturing those moments on film

25. Will wear flip-flops all year long.. as long as the snow isn't too deep

26. Has perfect skin.. without a flaw

27. Did I say funny, because it could be on here about 5 times and still not be enough

28. She has never met a stranger

She is my "call" when the good, the bad, the ugly or just plain silly happen she is who I call. I look up to her and value our friendship very much. I LOVE YOU "T"!!

Happy Birthday :)

Birthday Update

As I posted previously my best friends made my birthday so special. I wanted to show off my great gifts and give a little recap:
It started on Sunday October 4th with a Chiefs game with Roy. We got great seats; great weather and even though they didn’t win it we still had a good time. I saw my dad got lots of good pictures.

Then Monday was my official BIRTHDAY! Jasmin came to see me for lunch and brought me one of the funniest and true cards and a large bouquet of balloons in the shape of flowers and a butterfly. I just wish I was down stairs watching her trying to get them through the revolving door. After lunch I came back to my desk and as I started to get back to work I got an announcement that I had a delivery in the lobby. "Wow really two in one day". I had a smile from ear to ear because I just knew it had to be from Tracy… she had hinted to a surprise earlier ;) I got to the lobby to find a very colorful, fresh beautiful bouquet of carnation flowers and a sweet card. I sniffed the flowers so much on the way back to my desk that I got light headed. The card said “Two friends-4days apart with love on your birthday. Tracy” so I know Tracy pretty well and I knew there was some sort of message beyond the kind words I just couldn’t figure it out. So the next day she asked if I got the connection between the flower colors and the card. I had to admit I didn’t even think it had to do with the colors I just thought she picked ones I liked. So this is what the meaning to my card and flowers.

2 yellow flowers= 2 FRIENDS, 4 pink flowers= Pink is for Oct & 4=days apart
1 red flower is Love on your day!

Shaun gave me a card and a box of MIKE & IKE's... he said he couldn't find Hot Tamales. He's such a sweetie. LOL I also received lots loving and fun phone calls and emails from other friends and family.

So as my birthday week continues I’m still slowly celebrating. Jason and Sarah took me to “The Thai Place” for lunch today; yes that’s what it's called. It is my favorite restaurant. We laughed and gorged on great food and took a little extra time to digest. I got back from lunch and my boss brought me a gift from him and his wife. It’s a great bag brought back from Korea, all hand silk and pretty. I received one from them as a gift last year in a spring pattern and this one will be a great fall winter item. Thanks to everyone who made my birthday (day and week) a great one.

NOW it’s time to get ready for “T’s” fabulous birthday. YAY!!! October 9th !!!!

The card is hilarious from Jamin. You can't really see it in the picture but she wrote on top of the ladies heads... "Me.... You.... Tracy"! We are fabulous and will be the most fabulous old ladies :)

I have the BEST FRIENDS!!

I will post more later when I'm at home and have time but I just have to share that my BESTIE EVER Tracy & Jasmin have made me feel so special today! Thank you for the hilarious card and balloons Jas! And Thank you for the wonderful carnations "T"! I've been sniffing them so much I'm light headed :)