Stomach pains and no gain.

Let me start off by saying that I ate today for the first time since last Tuesday! It was oh so delicious and it has stayed down. KNOCK ON WOOD! A little background...

For the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing sharp pain in my stomach, a dull aching feeling between sharp pain, I have had no appetite, when I do eat it's been very small portions and then I feel really full followed by vomiting. Well last Thursday it got really bad.

Since I hadn't eaten since Tuesday I decided that I would try to force myself to eat a small sandwich. I only got a few bits down when the pain started. My stomach didn't agree and I didn't even make it to the toilette before it came back up. I made it to the bathroom but not into the stall. Then I realized it was all down the front of my sweater. Instantly I was gaging again. I couldn't even get the vomit off my shirt the odor was horrendous. I had to flag down the receptionist and the kind motherly type that she is she came to my rescue. She rinsed and washed my sweater in the sink while I stood helpless in a stall feeling mortified. I calmed myself down and tried to go back to work. I could still smell the vomit even through the soap smell. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It smelled like dog poo. I know completely disgusting right. So around 2:30PM i finally called my boss told her what happened and went home. I couldn't take the smell any longer.

I called my doctor and they wanted me in the very next morning. He did his poking and jabbing and question asking. He decided it sounded like I had gall bladder disease. Well since then I have had a battery of blood test, lots of poking and jabbing courtesy of the nice doctor, and an ultrasound Saturday morning. I was put on a liquid diet and several meds.

So finally I get word today.. it's not my gall bladder. At least not according to the ultrasound. SO NOW WHAT! I explain that I still haven't eaten and they decided to send me to a GI doc to do a scope. So now I have another appointment, which I am told it's only a consult to decide if they want to do the scope my doctor has now suggested, but NO answers yet. And I am starting to get really hungry.. and CRANKY!

So I came home to make tacos, the planned meal, they smelled so good I couldn't resist. I made one with very little meat... basically just smeared the spatula on a flour tortilla, added a little cheese, and a little sour cream. As I ate it I felt so guilty but it was so yummy. I've been in pain for a week so I was ready for the consequences. Anything I had to be better than the Ensure I had been having for the last several days.

Well my stomach is now hurting but not like it did before. The meds must be kicking in. I will try something else tomorrow and see if it stays down. I go Wednesday to the GI doctor and we will see from there.

Love my boss

I have been working at Kiewit for over a year now and I have grown very fond of all my co-workers and managers. I have one manager in perticular that is like an uncle or father figure more that a boss. Don't get me wrong if I screw up or don't get something done he will surely point it out. But he genuinely cares about me and how my day is going. He has even brought me my favorite drink from Starbucks on occation when he knows its been a bad day or just to say thank you. I really value his advise and encouragement. During my weightloss journey he even had me put up a chart. Not one that would embarrase me, the only numbers on it are pounds lost not actually scale weight. It has really helped to keep me accountable and if I didn't have someone else looking at to check progress I probably wouldn't pay it any attention. But I see it and it's a reminder of how far I have come. He tell me regularly that he thinks I am an amazing person. Not in a weird or sexual harresment way just a genuine appreciation for me. There are many times that his advise or wisdoms have been right on point. I am working on building a better me and he is helping. Thanks B.

Oh so fresh and So clean

Spring cleaning is one of my favorite things. I woke up this morning at about 7:30AM and started cleaning. I rearrange my sun room for the 3rd time since moving in almost a year ago. When I say rearranged I mean changed is purpose entirely not just moving around the furniture in it. I have moved the furniture in it countless times but it has gone from a computer room / office to my formal dining room to its now state, a sitting and just plain relaxing area. I dusted, swept, mopped, organized, I even figured out how to shorten and fix some of the mini-blinds. Ms. Monroe my sisters child/cat had broken a few trying to get a glimpse at the outside world when she stayed here. I washed dishes as fast as everyone could use them, I don't have a dishwasher so staying on top of the dished can be a chore. But with the spring air and a quiet afternoon these were not chores, it was much needed "ME" time. I was on a roll and loving it. With all the winter dirt gone everything seems clean and fresh now. Then to top of my most wonderful day I had "T" time with my beloved Tracy. Powerball, Starbucks and lots of laughs... a perfect end to a perfect day. I hope to spend tomorrow mending some pants I got a couple months ago and detailing the bathroom. For now it's time to curl up in bed and dream peacefully knowing all is in it place. Happy spring and don't forget about your clocks!

Some Part of You

The image in that photograph of the baby only a few hours old can still be found on your face. The stamp of you on hers. You were never... but always there. You are that hole in her heart that she has mended time after time but can never fill completely. She dreams about knowing and not knowing you. Hiding her real feelings so she doesn't scare off the few scraps you throw now and again. She learned to live like it didn't matter. Then a simple hello tears her apart. You were supposed to be the one to teach her to love. But you make her feel as she doesn't deserve yours. You never showed her what it was like to be powerful so how can you have so much power over her? Isn't she better than that, doesn't she deserve more than you give? Her tears are real not painted but you were never there to wipe them away.
How can it be so easy for a daddy to break his little girl's heart? She is part of you.

Monday's Suck

I woke up with early and got a jump on the day with enough time to wash AND dry my hair. It's gotten so long that I don't always have time with rangling kids and myself out the door. I set the alarm for 6am but rarely get out of the bed before 6:45am knowing I have to leave at 7:15am. I need to get in to see Jasmin and have it cut, it's getting dry and thus the static is horrific on dry days. So I am off to work and all I can think about are the chores I would like to complete at home. All day at work I will be thinking about where the weekend went and why I didn't get more done. Then when I'm at home I will be thinking of all the things at work that I didn't get done that I would have liked to. It's a vicious cycle.